Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
