just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
