Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
