i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
