All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
