careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
