i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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