somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
