I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
