i think i have two assholes
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
