She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
