I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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