I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
