I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
