he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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