i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
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Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
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Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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