There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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