i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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