Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
