Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
