He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
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