This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
