Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
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You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
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Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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