the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
