She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
