every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
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Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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