what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
