i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
