Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
