I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
