the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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