I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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