Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
