I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
