That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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