Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
