I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
