end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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