I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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