after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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