remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
