i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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