Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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