god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
