If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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