No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
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