do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
