marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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