I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
