how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Enjoy the penises
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
