Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
