I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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