3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
