You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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