I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
