it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
