i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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