Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
