Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
