I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
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