I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
