he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize