I got her a Nickelback box set.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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