shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
