Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
