I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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