After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
