I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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