all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
