she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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