I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
