I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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